Settling In Gently

After Liko was born, I was in terrible pain. Sciatica, or something like it, made every step shoot sparks up and down my legs, up to my shoulders. I got a referral to go see a physical therapist. She told me that I didn't have sciatica, but rather I had an old injury, a bulged disc, that loosy-goosy pregnancy hormones had flared up. She was working with me, helping me stretch my back and build up supportive muscles over the next few weeks, when one day, when Liko was about 6 weeks old, I couldn't get out of bed. My knees had totally given out. Every step was agony, my knees felt like the bone was grinding on bone. My legs shook and I wanted to cry. Even lying down, if my leg bent the wrong way or anything brushed against my skin, I wanted to scream.  She said to just get into a painless position for 24 hours, and then come see her right away. Good thing tiny babies are happy to stay in bed all day and nurse anyway, and the big girls, 5 and 8, could fend for themselves a little,

I vaguebooked yesterday that it was a hard day-- a day to just survive through. I tried to think of some pithy feel good silver lining to add to it-- "At least the sun is shining!" But it rang hollow. It was a -my feet are jelly-lead, my head is blinking batting, my hands weak- kind of a day. It's just bad. I cried uncle, I gave up on being productive or even functional today. I tapped out. Breakfast was toast and butter. Liko announced that toast with butter is her favorite food. Yesss, nailed it. My dad called-- we chatted about our gardens, the wild weeds we are eating and the berries we are planting, about my new bee hive and the arbotivae he sent me to grow my hedge along the back chainlink. He mentioned that the old Scottish detective show Hamish Macbeth was back on Amazon. Ah-- that's it. Hamish will get me through the day. Maile and I settled in. She was giddy that I was breaking my own "no screens before dinner" rule. And there's Hamish M