The year is kareening around, we're hurtling through space on our tiny blue rocket ship called earth, and the one year mark to Matt's suicide is coming at my face.
We're doing amazing. I love my kids, they love me, I take care of grandma, she takes care of me, I've started a garden, we've got new little chicks, I've written half a novel, made new friends, the girls have learned to read and write English, and I'm learning to crochet.
And it's been bloody brutal. Since the middle of the night when I got the call from the police, my heart has had an ice-metal stake through it. It was a nuclear detonation and although we survived there are hugely echoing after-affects, radiation poisoning that will poison us for years and generations.
But there have been things that have helped. And I think they would help anyone, in any kind of trauma or pain. And I'm going to make a note of them in case I'm floudering, for me to come back to, and add to. And if th…
Sunday, September 8, 2013 I first heard of Claudia Brown when I was about 8
weeks pregnant and nauseated by the smell of oxygen. I had already had one
extremely disappointing visit with an Ob-Gyn out in Waimea (grimy carpets,
dead-eyed nurses, and a dismissive and distractingly attractive male
gynecologist). I was taking my toddler for a walk along our little gravel road
to see the horses (don’t breathe: horse-sweat, hay, grass, animal hair, poop)
and feed them papayas (don’t breathe: too pungent, too fleshy, with an overripe
kerosene off-gas). We ran into our neighbor and her leaping and spinning three
year old, who was tanned to mahogany and naked except for a tutu.The little girl pointed at her mom’s
watermelon-sized belly. “HIS NAME IS POPCORN!” We chatted about birth and doctors and midwives, I
told her how much I had loved the midwife-run birth center on the Big Island
and how unimpressive my visit to the Ob-Gyn had been. She said, “Oh, you’ll
love Claudia,” and dashed home for a…
"How do people keep themselves safe?"asks a reporter to Inspector Lestrade in BBC Sherlock's first episode, "A Study in Pink." "Well, don't commit suicide," he quips. Then he takes a softer tack: "Obviously, this is a frightening time for people, but all anyone has to do is exercise reasonable precautions. We are all as safe as we want to be."
Sherlock Holmes then texts everyone in the press conference with the single, emphatic word, "WRONG!"
The response to alarming statistics about suicide is to bulk up prevention programs and access to mental health. The school where I did my initial student teaching 13 years ago, Lone Peak High School in Alpine UT, responded to a contagion of suicid…