We'll Have Hours and Days....How do Values Shape Your Reality?
I read a book on decorating, of all things. This was years ago, when we had just moved to Koloa, and Rosie was just a toddler. We had been living in other people's homes for years in Waimea-- an attached garage at Auntie Queen's and Uncle Jamie's on Mana Road horse ranch, and an Ohana unit at the Lindsey's, looking out over Parker ranch, and just down the road from Church Row.
Our Koloa house was our first stand alone house. We bought a truck, we bought a couch! Microfiber sectionals and a car payment--like real adults.
And I checked out this book from the library about home decor. Years and years later, one idea stuck with me.
Your space should reflect your values. The colors, the designs, the way the space connects to itself, the way bodies can move through it-- it needs to be a true reflection of who you are and what you love. If not, it doesn't matter how chic or trendy or clean or impressive it is, you'll be miserable in it.
It sounds simple. Obviously, a non-athlete is not going to build tennis courts or a bowling alley in their house; a teetotaler has not business with a built in full bar. Duh-uh.
But sink into it a little bit.
What are your actual values?
I always started my school year with a short unit on values. How can I ask students to behave well in class, if we don't have a common definition of what that means, or a shared understanding of why a functioning classroom community is important? I would pass out a long list of possible values (like this one), and have us all try and order them, choose them, collage them, prioritize them, illustrate them.
What are our values?
What are the bright stars that we want to guide our lives?
One of my favorite books is Island World by Gary Okihiro. He describes the way that Polynesian voyagers use the stars to navigate. I had imagined that they use them as sign posts, that they would follow stars to their destination. But Okihiro describes it differently. They put their wa'a-- their canoe-- into the water. They find the star that they have learned is connected to their destination-- Tahiti, Ao Tearoa, Rapa Nui, even Turtle Island-- and then they hold their Wa'a very very still in relationship to that star. I imagine the delicate filaments of calculous-- angles and lines and arcs invisible and complex and beautiful across the night sky, and reflected in the swelling breast of the ocean. Find the star.
It is a tremendous thing to hold sea-faring canoe absolutely steady in relation to a celestial object. Waves, winds, darkness, storms, star-erasing sunlight all obscure the relationship. Then they must rely on tides, animals, winds, waves, and their own intuition. But if they manage it-- if they are able to hold that relationship, that delicate mathematical connection, utterly steady, then the island they seek rises over the horizon to meet them. The island comes to them. The world rotates beneath them, and their destination rises.
What are the stars we want to hold ourselves in steady relationship with?
These change over our lives. But right now, I think my stars are nature, creativity, nurturing my children, friendships, spirituality, healing, growth, balance, knowledge...
At other points I would have said: Peace, justice, truth, challenge, adventure, achievement, religion, magic, freedom, stewardship, purity...
Tradition, history. Equity, change. Respect, Innovation.
All. Every.
It doesn't matter what they are-- just find them. Name them. What are your guide-stars?
Now, back to the book about home decor. What do throw pillows have to do with values? If something is really important to me, I think you should be able to see it in my space. Not to show it off, but because-- it is who I am. If I tell you that nature is one of my guide-stars, can I look around my home and see that? If I tell you that learning is important to me, can you see that I have a place for learning and study? If I say that friendship and community are important, can you come in and feel welcomed and connected?
I want to step back and view my home through these lenses. If I don't see nature in my home, how can I? I think a giant jungle mural is in order. Or I need to learn how to take care of houseplants. Or I can print up some photos from our hikes and frame them. If creativity is my value, where is the place for it in my home? If its relationship with my kids, how does our space make that evident? I want to pause and look around with value-colored glasses. Is my space a reflection of what I really think is important?
And if it isn't, what is taking up the space instead? I realized that our living room was dominated by a huge old TV. The couches in the room were all oriented to it. True North in low-def. But "Huge TV" doesn't fall anywhere in my list of guiding values. I had somebody come and take it away. I put up family pictures instead, and put out bins of dress ups.
I've been in beautiful homes with battered 30 year old furniture and forgotten piles of laundry on the couch, but that still feel like homes. Havens. Places where a soul can be its full self.
But this is not actually just a blog post about home decor. It just looks like one.
Time.
Money.
Relationships.
Thoughts.
Gaze at those things with your values-lenses.
It is jarring for me. I value nature. But we only hike once a week. I value learning, but I don't make time to read. I value creativity, but I spend more time worrying about the past than planning my next creative project.
So a challenge-- to myself, and to you.
What are your values? Name them, bless them. Be honest with yourself. Don't choose aspirational values, or things that you think you should want to value. What is the most important thing to you, as you are, right now?
Does your space reflect those values?
Does your time?
Does your money? Your mental energy?
And if not, what takes their place?
And then, lovingly, gently, with compassion for yourself and for all of us on this hard life road, shift. Make space for what you value most. Give time to what you love. Spend your money on the things that make your life worth living.
There is no reason to be stingy. We can do it. We can make our lives a reflection of what we really think is vital.
Our Koloa house was our first stand alone house. We bought a truck, we bought a couch! Microfiber sectionals and a car payment--like real adults.
And I checked out this book from the library about home decor. Years and years later, one idea stuck with me.
Your space should reflect your values. The colors, the designs, the way the space connects to itself, the way bodies can move through it-- it needs to be a true reflection of who you are and what you love. If not, it doesn't matter how chic or trendy or clean or impressive it is, you'll be miserable in it.
It sounds simple. Obviously, a non-athlete is not going to build tennis courts or a bowling alley in their house; a teetotaler has not business with a built in full bar. Duh-uh.
But sink into it a little bit.
What are your actual values?
I always started my school year with a short unit on values. How can I ask students to behave well in class, if we don't have a common definition of what that means, or a shared understanding of why a functioning classroom community is important? I would pass out a long list of possible values (like this one), and have us all try and order them, choose them, collage them, prioritize them, illustrate them.
What are our values?
What are the bright stars that we want to guide our lives?
One of my favorite books is Island World by Gary Okihiro. He describes the way that Polynesian voyagers use the stars to navigate. I had imagined that they use them as sign posts, that they would follow stars to their destination. But Okihiro describes it differently. They put their wa'a-- their canoe-- into the water. They find the star that they have learned is connected to their destination-- Tahiti, Ao Tearoa, Rapa Nui, even Turtle Island-- and then they hold their Wa'a very very still in relationship to that star. I imagine the delicate filaments of calculous-- angles and lines and arcs invisible and complex and beautiful across the night sky, and reflected in the swelling breast of the ocean. Find the star.
It is a tremendous thing to hold sea-faring canoe absolutely steady in relation to a celestial object. Waves, winds, darkness, storms, star-erasing sunlight all obscure the relationship. Then they must rely on tides, animals, winds, waves, and their own intuition. But if they manage it-- if they are able to hold that relationship, that delicate mathematical connection, utterly steady, then the island they seek rises over the horizon to meet them. The island comes to them. The world rotates beneath them, and their destination rises.
What are the stars we want to hold ourselves in steady relationship with?
These change over our lives. But right now, I think my stars are nature, creativity, nurturing my children, friendships, spirituality, healing, growth, balance, knowledge...
At other points I would have said: Peace, justice, truth, challenge, adventure, achievement, religion, magic, freedom, stewardship, purity...
Tradition, history. Equity, change. Respect, Innovation.
All. Every.
It doesn't matter what they are-- just find them. Name them. What are your guide-stars?
Now, back to the book about home decor. What do throw pillows have to do with values? If something is really important to me, I think you should be able to see it in my space. Not to show it off, but because-- it is who I am. If I tell you that nature is one of my guide-stars, can I look around my home and see that? If I tell you that learning is important to me, can you see that I have a place for learning and study? If I say that friendship and community are important, can you come in and feel welcomed and connected?
I want to step back and view my home through these lenses. If I don't see nature in my home, how can I? I think a giant jungle mural is in order. Or I need to learn how to take care of houseplants. Or I can print up some photos from our hikes and frame them. If creativity is my value, where is the place for it in my home? If its relationship with my kids, how does our space make that evident? I want to pause and look around with value-colored glasses. Is my space a reflection of what I really think is important?
And if it isn't, what is taking up the space instead? I realized that our living room was dominated by a huge old TV. The couches in the room were all oriented to it. True North in low-def. But "Huge TV" doesn't fall anywhere in my list of guiding values. I had somebody come and take it away. I put up family pictures instead, and put out bins of dress ups.
I've been in beautiful homes with battered 30 year old furniture and forgotten piles of laundry on the couch, but that still feel like homes. Havens. Places where a soul can be its full self.
But this is not actually just a blog post about home decor. It just looks like one.
Time.
Money.
Relationships.
Thoughts.
Gaze at those things with your values-lenses.
It is jarring for me. I value nature. But we only hike once a week. I value learning, but I don't make time to read. I value creativity, but I spend more time worrying about the past than planning my next creative project.
So a challenge-- to myself, and to you.
What are your values? Name them, bless them. Be honest with yourself. Don't choose aspirational values, or things that you think you should want to value. What is the most important thing to you, as you are, right now?
Does your space reflect those values?
Does your time?
Does your money? Your mental energy?
And if not, what takes their place?
And then, lovingly, gently, with compassion for yourself and for all of us on this hard life road, shift. Make space for what you value most. Give time to what you love. Spend your money on the things that make your life worth living.
There is no reason to be stingy. We can do it. We can make our lives a reflection of what we really think is vital.
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